Thursday, May 13, 2010

The Alchemist

Oh, Paulo Coelho. Your mystical book astounds me on so many levels! And I don't even like magical realism all that much. Anywho, this has nothing to do with that book and everything to do with this necklace and my middle school social studies class.

I'm not sure why, but for some reason, I had to pretend that I was an alchemist in 6th grade. I want to say it was during our "medieval" unit, but that still seems like a far stretch. Then again, this was the same grade in which I decided that the best way to get an A+ on a group project about Jane Goodall was to make monkey masks out of paper plates and have each group member wear them while discussing their portion/simultaneously saying "oo! oo! ah! ah! We love Jane!"

Spoiler alert: we got an A+.

So, back to alchemy. For yet another reason, I thought that the main thing an alchemist should carry is a full perfume bottle with glitter mixed in it. You know, because alchemists turned stuff into gold...and perfume. After a short (yet compelling) presentation, and after spritzing the air no less than 20 times with glittery Calvin Klein perfume, I took my seat and wished that I could always magically scent and sparkle the air around me--just like a real alchemist. Yes, I'm aware that this medieval unit taught me absolutely nothing.

However, it turns out that all I had to do was wait approximately 9 years, go to Modcloth.com and buy this "Apothecutie" thing, which will apparently allow me to "simply spread a sense of wonder!"

Whatever. Everyone knows an apothecary is just a poor man's alchemist.

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