A secular heaven

Ladies and Frank*, I'm glad to report that I've discovered a tangible heaven on earth. What is it, you might ask? House of Vintage, a stories-tall vintage shop in Portland, OR.

Now, if you're like me, you assume that Portland is full of lovely people in Birkenstocks and tattoos. WRONG. At least on the Birkenstock count. It's full of tattoos, hipsters of every age, AND THE MOST PERFECT VINTAGE STORES EVER.

I have to hold House of Vintage in a higher regard than all the rest, though, because it's where I found The Sweater. Yes, the capitalization is necessary. It combines all of my clothing loves into one convenient garment.

1) It's a sweater. Since I tend to dress like an Eskimo, this is a plus.

2) THE NECKLINE/SHOULDERS ARE COVERED IN SEQUINS. Since I like to be a stylish Eskimo, this is a double plus. It's like I copped all the colors from Joseph's amazing technicolor dreamcoat. And forgive me for veering off the secular path with that remark, but it is necessary.

3) It has a giant hole in the elbow that I didn't notice until I was wearing it and it was pointed out to me. Holes in clothing = instant street cred.

4) It came with a pin attached. A gold butterfly pin, just hanging out above my right boob. Which is the only place I ever want gilded butterflies to be.

5) The base of the sweater is black. So, ya know, I can keep it classy on my bottom half, and keep my top half inspired by The Golden Girls.

6) All of this beauty only cost $9.

Some tried and true thrifters might turn their nose up at that audacious price, but I feel about this sweater the way I think most women feel about their wedding dress. No price would have been too high.

So, in short, I have to thank House of Vintage for making a clothing dream of mine come true. Your store is like a cheap, enjoyable version of Disney World.

*While I certainly don't mean to alienate anyone, I'm fairly sure that Frank is the only gentleman besides my father that reads le blog.