Mama said knock you out!

I'm not a violent person.

I'm a touch emotional, but I definitely err on the passive-aggressive side of the violence spectrum. Because of that, I used to be a little perplexed by why I fall in love with jewelry and clothing that make me look like I'm a member of a chain gang. A heavily stylized chain gang, but one that could cut a bitch nonetheless. However, after weeks of uninterrupted musing on the topic, I've solved my conundrum. I'm about to make a REVOLUTIONARY connection, so as Samuel L. Jackson said in Jurassic Park, hold onto your butts.

I think that because I tend to be slightly timid when it comes to confrontation and conflict, I choose to "dress it out" instead of "talk it out." That's some deeply shallow stuff there. My friend Kevin said it better a couple of months ago. We were out to dinner, and I expressed a concern to him that I looked like a whore because of the shoes I had on. He simply said: "Well, you kind of do. But when you look like a whore, you look like a 'whore.' So it's OK--it's a practiced look."

Truer words were never spoken. Since I love me a good costume, I obviously find it much easier to dress the part of someone who doesn't take any shit than to just be that person. Wearing a leather jacket, massive knuckle rings, and huge shoes allows me to access a space that I don't normally inhabit--one of badass self-advocacy. Do I wish that I didn't need to wear garish accessories in order to stand up for myself? Honestly, I don't really mind that I've taken a decidedly shallow route. Because I've discovered that--again, wait for the revolutionary conclusion--if I've got the moxie to wear something that verges on a foolish get-up, chances are I can speak my mind with that same confidence.

And more importantly, if the confrontation that's stemmed from my newfound badassery takes a turn for the worse, at least I have something really interesting to look at while I formulate a plan B.

While strapping on shoes that look like they belong in an S&M accessory catalog hasn't turned me into a lady who mows down anyone who stands in her way, I have found a ludicrous amount of security in the assertive way I'm forced to walk while wearing them. Because otherwise, I will fall on my face.

Confidently, of course.