Sense and sensibility

Chicago, you've finally done it. After attempting to prance around your suburbs in all sorts of ill-begotten footwear for years on end, I find myself trolling the websites of L.L. Bean, Lands' End, and Target to find a pair of duck boots.

MOTHERFUCKING DUCK BOOTS*. Google that shit if you're blessed enough to not know what I'm talking about.

If you happen to spot me on the street and I'm wearing a pair of mid-calf, lace-up black/brown boots with massive rubber toes, please ignore me. God knows I'll be ashamed enough as it is without having someone I know call out my name and cringe at my footwear.

*OK, in all honesty, I'm equal parts ashamed and excited about procuring these boots. MY FEET WILL FINALLY BE WARM. I will be able to tread with assurance rather than trepidation! My hooker shoes will still have their moments. They just won't be subjected to black ice and 3+ inches of snow/slush.