Arts and Crafts: NSFW Edition

Today, I started working on a new scarf. As I do with almost any creative task I undertake, I had some high-falutin' inspirational thought that quickly had to be downsized to fit my budget/talent level/patience level.

For example, I wanted to make this current scarf after seeing this pair of Rodarte tights. I think they're about two seasons old, so it makes sense that I'm finding them now and feeling like I've single-handedly discovered gold. Anyway, I loved the whole spiderweb feel of them, so I was all "Awesome! Let's buy me some black yarn and get to it! One day, I'll have my very own line called Vincente!" About 20 minutes after this epiphany, I realized that you can really only get the spiderweb look if you knit (The cool older sister of crocheting. Since it's cool, I obviously cannot do it.) "That's OK," I thought. "I'll just buy a really huge crochet hook for the whole open-weave effect, and it'll look EVEN BETTER THAN KNITTING."

Guys. That's a terribly optimistic thought, and very out-of-character for me. Still, I marched over to the fabric store to buy the necessary supplies. I headed down the needle/hook aisle, and started perusing the sizes. I bought the biggest one imaginable, which I thought at first (GROSS ALERT) looked like the world's biggest tampon. "No matter!", said I. "I'm a lady, and am used to holding lots of tampons! Let's do this shit!"

GUYS. I brought it home and started attempting to use it, and it's a joke. Crafters say that one of the positives of using a larger crochet hook is the "quick and easy satisfaction" one recieves from it, since it takes about half as long to crochet something when you've got a big-ass tool. Too bad the only "quick and easy satisfaction" I think of when using it comes from the fact that no, it doesn't look like a jumbo tampon, but rather this vibrator. Now, I get a nasty case of the middle-school giggles when I look at my massive blue crochet hook too often.

That being said, I'm totally sold on gargantuan hooks. I've only been crocheting now for about 15 minutes, and am a fourth of the way done with this very conceptual spiderweb scarf. And by "very conceptual," I mean "is black, has big stitches that look nothing like spiderwebs, and is nowhere near cool enough for the upcoming Vincente collection. But hell, I crocheted it with a sex toy look-a-like. That's worth a lot in my book."