For the record, I still have "Bad Romance" stuck in my head

Naturally, when I think of the Lady herself, my thoughts wander over to undergarments. I'm not about to endorse parading around in one's bra and knickers* and calling that an outfit, but praises need to be sung of a certain underutilized garment.

THE SLIP.

That's right. If you're a lady, or a man that favors skirts over pants, you should be wearing a slip during the winter months. I used to be ignorant and think that only old ladies wore slips. WRONG. Attractive, young women who don't want their ladyparts outlined for all the world to see when a stiff wind blows or static cling takes over wear slips.

You see, when you wear a cotton/rayon/jersey/really any "easy, breezy" fabric dress (with or without some type of legwear), it's bound to stick to certain places**. LIKE TO THE OUTLINE OF YOUR HOT BOD. Unless the dress is extremely structured and composed of a stiffer fabric, you're going to be yanking your dress away from your body almost all day. That is when a slip is a literally godsend. Throw a little piece of satin under your dress, and you'll notice an approximately 90% rate of reduction in adjusting.

Unfortunately, many people (including retailers) have jumped on the "slips are lame! Boo!" bandwagon, and only sell kidney-squishing Spanx. That's when you find Kohl's, or your state's equivalent, and head over to their undergarments section. Look for the unexciting nude, white, and black collection of fabric pieces, and you'll have found the slips. If you're only having issues with the skirt of your dress, save money and buy a half slip. If the whole she-bang has got you in a tizzy, buy the full body one. Trust me, you won't regret it.

Or, if you've got decent thrift stores in your area--hell, they don't even have to be decent--start rooting around there. It's not the same as buying used underwear, so don't even start with the judgmental looks, MMMK? Who knows? You might find a red, maribou-trimmed one! However impractical that might be for wearing under things, you'll be able to imagine what the woman who used to own it was like. I'm going with an aging, but still foxy lady of the night, who smoked Pall Malls with a cigarette holder, and said things like "dahhhhling! We're out of gin and it's almost dinnertime. What WILL I eat?"

Tangents aside, I think we can all learn a little lesson from that aging hooker: even whores should wear appropriate foundation garments.


*I hate the words "panties" and "underwear." Knickers is pretty much all I have left.

**This excludes American Apparel dresses, which were designed solely to outline every last inch of your hot bod. Work it.