Put on your stockings girl, the night's getting cold

I think that lyric from the Springsteen smash hit "Atlantic City" is fitting when talking about tights. Hmm..."Talking about Tights" sounds like it could be a hit show on QVC. NO IDEA STEALING, READERS.

Where was I? Right. Tights. Words can't explain the hatred I feel for pants. I blame it on the fact that, like 99% of the female population, I can never seem to find pants that fit properly. Or, if by some miracle I do, I'll make the heinous mistake of washing them. Which, as we all know, washes away their perfection. A couple of years ago, I decided to give up on trying to find the perfect pair, and instead devoted all of my efforts toward stocking up on dresses and skirts. However, when you live in Chicago, forgoing legwear of any sort is not really an option from the months of October to April.

What's a girl to do?

Say it with me now--tights. Over-the-knee socks. Thermal leggings. Assless chaps.

OK, maybe not over-the-knee socks. You don't want to look scandalous. But believe me when I say that tights and other assorted leg coverings go a long way when it comes to keeping your gams warm in a snowstorm. I layer patterned tights over solids (so daring, I know), buy some slightly pricier wool pairs, and wear more leggings than Lindsay Lohan. All of those options manage to keep me warm in the winter AND sans pants. Frankly, I have way more fun with legwear than I do with jeans. I mean, I won't buy a pair of sequined aqua jeans--that's just crazy. But sequined aqua tights? 3 pairs, please. For those who find the binding nature of tights to be rather uncomfortable, I offer two suggestions.

1) Stretch them out by pulling the waist over a desk chair. No, they won't feel like your comfiest pair of sweatpants, but your internal organs won't feel nearly as smushed together.

2) My stylish friend Amy whispered these sweet nothings to me the other weekend: low-rise tights. In the words of Rachel Zoe, I DIE. Also, I may or may not be the last person to know about them, because I've found that they're sold nearly everywhere normal granny tights are sold.

Yes, pants have their place in the world. And who knows? I could be singing the praises of jeans if I find the ultimate pair. But until then, me and my "I just came from a Fame-esqe dance class" ripped tights are very happy with one another. I'll save the aqua sequins for tomorrow.